Today was weirder than usual, I felt really far gone. Lately I’ve been out of it but more today than any other day. I’ve been getting worse and honestly feel as if I’m truly going crazy, I know it’s the postpartum. Taking any antidepressants is definitely out of the question, I’ve been there done that it’s not for me. The only thing I know that would really help is smoking bud again but that’s not for another month. Unless, of course my milk dries up which I’m honestly hoping for and looks like it will be very close. I really hope to get out of this funk soon it sucks feeling so hopeless and sad, like high school all over again minus the cutting and other self harm. Just got to keep pushing one more month then things will get better.
Another fight with my man over some petty shit… I don’t know what I was expecting though with all the changes around. The honeymoon phase has really died, it was already starting to months ago and it’s sad. I’m tired of this I know couples fight but I’m not used to fighting with him it hurts. Being overly sensitive doesnt help but his attitude definitely doesnt help the arguments or situations. In past relationships I’ve been known to be a big bitch but I cant be with him at least till recently. I’ve bit my tongue a lot and havent let myself get crazy like I’ve been known to, I’ll admit I’ve been getting more hurtful and extreme.
This will be where I run to hide from the world. My secret little friend that I can confide in and reveal my feelings to. Recently it seems no one wants to hear my bullshit but on here I’ll be able to vent without hurtful words. So here I am.
I recently just had a baby and along with the emotions I have already it seems like anytime I let any type of frustration i have I am called down. Why am I expected to be beyond happy? There are so many changes its overwhelming and I can’t be completely positive. There’s no one to talk to though no one wants to hear it.