Less than a week now and we’ll be in our own apartment
Im still scared and feel like I want to cry when I think of it
Im going to miss my mom and dad so much even though theyll be close
I saw this picture on facebook though and it has a very good point.
Im gonna make my parents proud
They will see how well I fly
This is where I run to hide
To vent, to let go
This is my Sanctuary
It used to be my room but now I share that.
I tried my mind but with all the internal turmoil it wasnt a good escape
Writing has been helping so much
Here I can breathe
The thoughts that don’t leave flow here
No judgement no fear
Certain thoughts and certain feelings can be considered Punishment
They weigh down the soul and tear at it
Replying sad memories over and over
Not letting go of things that need to go
Constant reminder of failures past and present
Put downs daily
Its hard to shake them off
It seems impossible
Coming to any sort of peace is a struggle
I’ve never been one to take things Slowly
Always leaping before I look
Speaking before thinking
It’s a shit habit to have
One that needs to go
Everything is rushed with force nothing is ever slow and patient
It’d be nice to just stop, breathe, and take it slow.
If this relationship doesnt work I will honestly give up and never love another man. All my love will go to my baby she is all I truly need and have in this world.
I see the signs
Its not heading in a good direction
Such a good man should of stayed far from me.
Im no good just poison
He’s getting worse it seems my depressive ways are rubbing off
I cant be what kills him I just cant
I’ve been keeping all my emotions bottled up so I made this blog in hopes of having a place to vent. A place to let it all out so I don’t have to sit with these thoughts and feelings that tear me apart.
It seems as if it’s a crime though.
My love reads through my posts and gets really hurt, he doesnt understand that the problems in my head have nothing to do with him they’ve been there since I was in high school.
These battles in my mind I must fight alone. Is that horrible?
If I dont work these things out on my own I feel like Im just doomed to sink lower and lower into the depression that comes and goes.
If I hold it all in there will be no hope for me. It feels better writing it all down even if my grammer is horrible or my words arnt colorful, this has been helping.
Carefree was before the baby
Before her I partied more
I fed my demons more
Didnt have to worry about much
That all changed when she came about
All my cares go to her now
And I wouldnt trade it for the world
She’s Carefree for me.